Still paralyzed after back surgery.

We need help and guidance please!
We have an active family, 3 boys (13,9,8) and one active 4 y.o. cockapoo, Cody. He is a great dog, loves people, attention, life, playing and running. Whenever you sit down on a couch or chair, he runs over to jump on your lap for some petting. He also likes to leap, jumping on furniture and beds and even jumping into my arms at times. About 1 month ago he was in severe pain, would walk slowly and gingerly and yelped whenever picked up. Vet thought maybe he had a disc herniation or lyme(he tested neg. however she said the lab tested only 2 of the most common forms and he may have a form not tested). SHe was unable to illicit pain upon exam. SHe decided to treat him with both rimadyl and amoxicillin. She wanted us to use the amox first for three days, then use rimadyl. Cody got better (instantly it seemed after rimadyl on day 3). He took amox for the rest of the month and some more rimadyl, and he seemed fine. He was in usual state of happy self until 3/17/11 when could not get up out of bed. Vet examined him and said he had a severe neurologic deficit and sent us to The Vet ER. The neurologist examined Cody and did an MRI, diagnosed him with a ruptured disc in the T12 area. He recommended surgery, telling me since Cody could walk (although barely) there was a 90% chance of recovery. However he had to delay surgery until the next day since a dog that got hit by a car came in and needed surgery. He said since Cody could walk, he was not considered and emergency. ON 3/18 in the morning, the neurologist called me and said Cody was worse, that one leg had no feeling to painful stimuli but the other still did. He said the odds to walk again are at this point somewhere b/w 50 -75% (But he also admitted there was not a lot of evidence in such cases, he was saying this at if dog has feeling in both legs prior to surgery there was a 90% chance of recover, if neither leg there was less than 50%, but since Cody had sensation in one leg his recovery chances are in between those 2 parameters). Since we love Cody so much and he is so young we decided to go with the surgery on 3/18 (at a cost of $5,500 but it would be a bargain if Cody could have some of his quality of life back). The neurologist also said at that time that his disc disease extended to T 14 (T12 to T14, new news to me, but since time was critical we opted for surgery for him).
His post surgical course however has been complicated by complete paralysis of hind legs, inability to wag his tail and inability to control urination. We visited Cody yesterday, and it was painful for us. He tried and tried to climb on me, but could not move his hind legs. He seemed frustrated by this. When he sat, he would tend to fall over to one side.
We talked to the neurologist last night who did the procedure and he did not paint a good picture. He placed the odds at Cody walking again at 50% and told us it may take months before he possibly can. He also may never learn to control bowel movements or urination again in addition to not walking again. He may need to live his life walking around in a cart and having to have us either catheterize him or express his bladder twice a day.
My wife started to cry. With three active boys, and both my wife and I working full time, we cannot possibly have a dog that needs that much care, catheterizing him twice a day, cleaning up is poop, and not to mention Cody's quality of life. It would pain him not to be able to greet people at the door and wake his brothers up in the morning and go for walks to leave his scent around the neighborhood. A dog who had a lot of zest and loved to be with people would be confined to where he was put down, with the inability to move. As of today day 2 post op Cody still does not have feeling in hind legs. Because of this, my wife and I have minimal hope that he will walk again. The nurse/tech told my brother in law that after surgery, the dogs at least gain feeling in their legs soon after surgery, and most leave the hospital walking, but this is not the case with Cody. My wife and I are now contemplating putting Cody down due to all of this. I know vets can't guarantee anything, but it seems Cody is not improving, and that his disease was originally worse than thought. We tried to save his life, but feel his quality of life (as well as ours) will be greatly diminished bringing him home in this condition. If we bring Cody home (paralyzed and he never regains functioning) he then becomes a burden, and we will be resentful at times as he needs the extra care. Plus my children will not have a playful dog and will have not so good memories of their childhood dog. I don't think Cody would want to live a life like that. Cody has had a great life thus far. Looking into his eye at the hospital, it looks like the life has been sucked out of him. We are torn and sad and would like your opinion. We would have a harder time with the kids if we brought Cody home then decided later to put him down. Quality of life for the dog and us is important. He is not much of a pet if he can't play with the kids (which Cody loved to do) and would be isolated a lot (something he'd hate). It just seems he won't be able to live the life of a dog anymore. What kind of pet is that?

How soon after surgery should dogs have some sensation in their hind legs and regain bladder function? (The neurologist said he usually sends dogs home 3 days after this type of surgery walking.) I would think the longer it goes without feelling and functioning intact, the less of a chance Cody has for recovery. Putting Cody down, as painful as it is (there are tears in my eyes as I write this), would save Cody from future psychological and physical pain and save us the added burden of a dog that needs a lot of care and nursing.
Please give us your opinion.
THanks.

We visited with Cody tonight and had a good visit with him. The ICU vet said with neuro issues it can take a long time even months before you know anything. We decided to bring Cody home either tomorrow or Tuesday. We will learn to express his bladder and go from there. We did get some positive news. I recieved a call from the hospital earlier today to get a progress report, apparently he had some response to painful stimuli this morning. So at least we feel like we are moving in the right direction. Who know where he will be a few weeks from now. We did talk to someone in the waiting room today who also had a dog in a dog wheelchair. She said her dog did great in it. WE feel Cody is too young and to determined to give up on him now. THanks for your response!!